remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
