We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Thank you for not boning my boss.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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