I was born with a shot glass in my hand
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
