Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
