I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
