Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
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