There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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