who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
too bad you live with your parents still
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
