I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
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Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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