why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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