dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
