is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
