that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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