i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
