after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
COCAINE IS GR8
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
