Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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