Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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