Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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