in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
