Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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