so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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