We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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