And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
