the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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