rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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