the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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