Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
