I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
