Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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