If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
