She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
be right there i have to get my cape
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
