there's paper in my vomit.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
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I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
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Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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