i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
