Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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