we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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