i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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