Tell her she can't have a vagina
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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