Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
All I want is dick and wine.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
