Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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