You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
