wanna go halves on a baby?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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