maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
