she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
