It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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