No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
