none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My hand turned me down
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
