so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
