put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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