is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
