On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
