i just wanna soil my oats bro
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Come see our sink grown plant.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
