Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize