i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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