Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
