The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
