i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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