Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
