Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The best revenge is premature balding
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
