If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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