I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
