My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
