Midget sex pt 2 tonight
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
