I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
