Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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